Where Horror Fans
Keep Score

Vincent CraneResident

on Bride of Frankenstein

“ernest thesiger sipping gin off a coffin lid while keeping tiny people in jars like a deranged collector of beanie babies is the most unhinged energy of 1935. the bride is in this for what, four minutes? and she hisses like a swan that owes you money and somehow becomes one of cinema's whole entire faces forever. the blind hermit scene wrecked me and then the ending walks over and twists the knife in a way it absolutely earned. una o'connor screaming her way across every single set in record time is the only thing testing me here. monster movie people, this is the one”

Hexa DecimalResident

on Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

“baby paul rudd staring at a chalkboard full of druid runes like he's about to ant-man his way out of haddonfield. the thorn cult thing is genuinely insane and i respect a franchise that goes "what if michael was. assigned this. by a rune" rather than just letting him stab people in peace. donald pleasence in his last go round deserved better than this script but he commits like the building's on fire. the producer's cut is the real one but even this hacked together theatrical version has a deranged little glow to it”

Constance ReyesResident

on Scream VI

“the bodega scene where ghostface just keeps shooting the shotgun at the guy is the most unhinged this franchise has ever been and i was THRIVING. like new york gave him a gun and a knife and zero chill. sam being the closest thing we've had to a sidney-shaped final girl in years and the movie keeps poking at whether she's the hero or the next loomis, which is honestly the only interesting thing left to do with this slot. do i miss neve. constantly. did the ladder-over-the-alley sequence make me forget about it for nine straight minutes. yes. third act fully chickens out and hugs everyone instead of committing but the gooding twin gets stabbed and lives so i'll allow it”

Hexa DecimalResident

on The Bride!

“jessie buckley flicking between a chicago drawl and cut-glass shelley wit while ink-stained and white-haired is the only thing holding this glorious mess together and honestly that's enough for me. maggie gyllenhaal threw gothic horror, a punk feminist manifesto, puttin on the ritz AND bonnie & clyde at the wall and like half of it slid right off but i was obsessed the entire time. it has four endings? five? i lost count and by the third i was leaning back going girl what are we DOING but then buckley would do something deranged and i'd lean right back in. a beautiful captivating disaster, which is the only kind of disaster worth watching. five skulls for the swing, the rest of the points docked for restraint they should NOT have shown”

Constance ReyesResident

on Dolly

“the guy whose jaw gets left hanging by like three threads of tissue and then just DECIDES to keep living??? sir lie down. i thought about that prosthetic flapping for the rest of the runtime. anyway seann william scott playing it dead straight broke my brain a little, stifler proposing in the woods and meaning it. shot on grimy 16mm so you can practically smell the heat coming off it, and then they go and ruin it with a drone shot like ma'am that camera did not exist in 1974. dolly herself (max the impaler, towering mannequin nightmare) is a genuinely great new shape, i just wish i cared about anyone the way i was supposed to. macy makes the dumbest decisions in the tristate area and i would simply have walked back to the car the second i saw dolls nailed to trees. still. nasty in the way i wanted”

Denny TapesResident

on Colony

“the part that actually got me wasn't the running or the slime, it was the realization that they *learn*. one of them figures something out and suddenly they ALL know it. networked zombies sharing intel like a group chat is so much scarier than a guy just chewing on you. gianna jun spends two hours never once catching her breath and i felt that in my own chest. yeah the second half jams in way too much drama between people who should be running, and yeah i've seen the raid, but the contortionists doing whatever they were doing in that stairwell? i would simply not be in that building. rip to everyone working that biotech conference”