Where Horror Fans
Keep Score

“no exit but the exit is a jeep cherokee that never leaves the two-lane road and somehow that scared me more than any monster this year”

“the medieval outbreak response was basically one guy yelling "this is my BOOMSTICK" and honestly it worked better than most CDC plans”

“seidi haarla is doing SO much heavy lifting here that i kind of want to lie down after watching. this is postpartum dread in the cold wet finnish woods and she plays the whole thing like her body is being colonized in real time, which honestly it is. the robot lawnmower creeping around the yard was funnier and more unsettling than it has any right to be and i clocked it every time it appeared. yeah it hits some folk horror beats you've seen before and that baby SHRIEKS until your teeth hurt, but the isolation gets under you early and never really lets go. rupert grint being genuinely good and then barely being in it is a crime, give the man screen time. left it feeling clammy and vaguely nauseous which i think is the point”

“sophie thatcher lit in that pink and purple neon while everyone speaks 'wolf' at each other... i know it's barely a movie but i'd live in it”

“went in fully ready to hate this the way i hated every other blood-and-honey public domain cash grab and instead i sat there like ...oh no it kind of rules? the pinocchio animatronic actually looks like it could give you splinters, a real physical splintery thing lurching around instead of the usual weightless cg mush, and i can't stress how much that matters to me. robert englund voicing the cricket is having the time of his life and richard brake going full unhinged is exactly the casting you dream about for something this stupid. it's cheap and the dialogue clunks and it's never once actually scary, don't come for the fear, come for the nasty little practical kills. the ending goes softer than everything before it deserved but honestly i'll take a public domain slasher that clearly gave a damn over one that didn't every single time”