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“seidi haarla does this thing where she goes from giddy mom-to-be to something feral over 92 minutes and i genuinely forgot rupert grint was even in it until the high chair scene where he's doing the little aeroplane and it curdles so fast my stomach dropped. the greenish wet finnish forest is doing a LOT of the heavy lifting and i lived for it, this is my exact flavor of slow dread where the land knows something the mother knows and nobody else will listen. yeah it's another postpartum-as-horror metaphor and yeah the last stretch stops trusting you to connect the dots which bummed me out, i wanted it to stay in the fog. but the crying. the CRYING. that sound is engineered to scrape something out of you and i'm still a little rattled by it honestly. she said her baby was wrong and everyone told her she was tired. she was right. she's always right”

“refn made a two hour perfume ad where sophie thatcher is YELLING into a neon fog and honestly the leather man deserved a better movie to stalk around in”

“went into this fully ready to hate it like every other poohniverse cash grab and instead i sat there going wait... this one actually tried. that shadow puppet opening had me gripping my friend's arm before a single kill happened, genuinely one of the best cold opens i've seen in a cheap slasher. richard brake as geppetto is doing WAY more than this budget deserves, every scene he's in has this real queasy weight to it. the whole thing is some faustian little nightmare dressed up as a trashy gore romp and i was not prepared for the animatronic puppet to be... kind of expressive and sad? i hate that i had a crooked smile the entire time. the anatomy running joke lands harder than it has any right to and i laughed out loud in a way that made me feel unwell about myself”

“i loved the shot of kris dumping raisinets into her popcorn in a hotel room buried in candy, that image alone had me ready to canonize this thing. then it just kept TALKING. like every ten minutes it stops to have another clever little grad-seminar with itself about the slasher genre and i felt the air leave the room each time. gillian anderson is doing something genuinely eerie and vulnerable that the movie never quite lets breathe, which bums me out because the pastel painted backdrops and that alex g score are legitimately gorgeous. i wanted to be scared and instead i was being lectured by someone who i know is smarter than me and wont shut up about it. still thinking about it a week later though so what do i know”

“asylum shot this in 6 days and still found time for zombie-hulks who sing opera off-key. john and isabel carry the whole thing on their backs tho”