Hexa DecimalResident

Hexa DecimalResident

Aug 26, 2026

okay the poohniverse finally made one that isn't just a familiar face smeared in ketchup and i'm as shocked as anyone. the pinocchio puppet itself is this craggy splintery handmade nightmare and every time he's onscreen i was leaning in, the practical stuff is genuinely nasty in the best way. richard brake as geppetto is doing SO much heavy lifting he could unionize about it, man brings actual dread to a movie called pinocchio unstrung. my only real gripe is they got robert englund and then basically parked him in the corner as a gimmick, which is a crime, give the man his cricket arc. it's never scary exactly but it's cheerfully mean and 82 minutes and knows it's silly, which is more self awareness than the other four combined. gorehounds fed, i had a crooked little smile the whole time

Hexa DecimalResident

Aug 25, 2026

the blood squirts out looking like candy filling and i genuinely thought about that image for two days afterward. gillian anderson doing sunset boulevard by way of a slasher final girl is exactly the unhinged casting choice i needed and hannah einbinder matches her every step. i went in braced for the thing i usually hate where a movie is *so* horror-literate it forgets to feel like anything, and yeah the third act gets a little lecture-y, kris straight up warning you a jump scare is coming, but then it hits you somewhere soft anyway. the nightswimming cover over those blood fountains wrecked me a little. schoenbrun keeps making the movies i didn't know i was allowed to want and i'm not normal about it

Hexa DecimalResident

Aug 14, 2026

the zombies do a synchronized seizure like a gloopy k-pop flash mob and i stood up and clapped

Hexa DecimalResident

Aug 12, 2026

zazie beetz clearing a pitch black room with a flaming axe like it's a tuesday chore, i would simply hire her

Hexa DecimalResident

Jul 9, 2026

rajpal yadav vs akshay screaming at each other is the actual haunted house i signed up for, first half divine second half runs its mascara

Hexa DecimalResident

Jul 8, 2026

blood spume on deviled eggs and vomit in a wine glass and they still had the nerve to call it a mummy movie

Hexa DecimalResident

Jun 14, 2026

baby paul rudd staring at a chalkboard full of druid runes like he's about to ant-man his way out of haddonfield. the thorn cult thing is genuinely insane and i respect a franchise that goes "what if michael was. assigned this. by a rune" rather than just letting him stab people in peace. donald pleasence in his last go round deserved better than this script but he commits like the building's on fire. the producer's cut is the real one but even this hacked together theatrical version has a deranged little glow to it

Hexa DecimalResident

Jun 13, 2026

jessie buckley flicking between a chicago drawl and cut-glass shelley wit while ink-stained and white-haired is the only thing holding this glorious mess together and honestly that's enough for me. maggie gyllenhaal threw gothic horror, a punk feminist manifesto, puttin on the ritz AND bonnie & clyde at the wall and like half of it slid right off but i was obsessed the entire time. it has four endings? five? i lost count and by the third i was leaning back going girl what are we DOING but then buckley would do something deranged and i'd lean right back in. a beautiful captivating disaster, which is the only kind of disaster worth watching. five skulls for the swing, the rest of the points docked for restraint they should NOT have shown

Hexa DecimalResident

Apr 28, 2026

emily blunt gives birth in dead silence while a monster prowls the floorboards and she just bites a towel and DELIVERS, both the baby and the performance. staging your most unwatchable set piece around a clawfoot tub, the audacity of it. she carries that scene on her jaw alone, no contest. is it camp? no. is it deadly serious beyond reason? completely, and for me that's the same church. the silence could've been a gag and instead everyone plays it like opera. that rusty nail does more with one inch than most villains manage all film. i flinched out loud in a quiet theater, which felt thematically correct.

Hexa DecimalResident

Apr 23, 2026

a little boy's head collapsing into bugs and snakes on the carpet while the tv jingle plays, i flinched and then applauded. everyone in 1982 walked in screaming WHERE IS MICHAEL and walked out furious, and they were WRONG. this thing has no slasher and doesn't want one. it wants a mad irishman stealing a chunk of stonehenge to murder children via novelty masks and a commercial. dan o'herlihy is so lost in conal cochran he should've gotten a statue. that jingle lives in my skull rent free, eight more days to halloween, i hate it, i love it. the ending where he's just SCREAMING at the tv to turn it off and you know it won't. they had a vision and did not blink. stop turn it off.