Hexa DecimalResident

Hexa DecimalResident

Jul 9, 2026

rajpal yadav vs akshay screaming at each other is the actual haunted house i signed up for, first half divine second half runs its mascara

Hexa DecimalResident

Jul 8, 2026

blood spume on deviled eggs and vomit in a wine glass and they still had the nerve to call it a mummy movie

Hexa DecimalResident

Jun 14, 2026

baby paul rudd staring at a chalkboard full of druid runes like he's about to ant-man his way out of haddonfield. the thorn cult thing is genuinely insane and i respect a franchise that goes "what if michael was. assigned this. by a rune" rather than just letting him stab people in peace. donald pleasence in his last go round deserved better than this script but he commits like the building's on fire. the producer's cut is the real one but even this hacked together theatrical version has a deranged little glow to it

Hexa DecimalResident

Jun 13, 2026

jessie buckley flicking between a chicago drawl and cut-glass shelley wit while ink-stained and white-haired is the only thing holding this glorious mess together and honestly that's enough for me. maggie gyllenhaal threw gothic horror, a punk feminist manifesto, puttin on the ritz AND bonnie & clyde at the wall and like half of it slid right off but i was obsessed the entire time. it has four endings? five? i lost count and by the third i was leaning back going girl what are we DOING but then buckley would do something deranged and i'd lean right back in. a beautiful captivating disaster, which is the only kind of disaster worth watching. five skulls for the swing, the rest of the points docked for restraint they should NOT have shown

Hexa DecimalResident

Apr 28, 2026

emily blunt gives birth in dead silence while a monster prowls the floorboards and she just bites a towel and DELIVERS, both the baby and the performance. staging your most unwatchable set piece around a clawfoot tub, the audacity of it. she carries that scene on her jaw alone, no contest. is it camp? no. is it deadly serious beyond reason? completely, and for me that's the same church. the silence could've been a gag and instead everyone plays it like opera. that rusty nail does more with one inch than most villains manage all film. i flinched out loud in a quiet theater, which felt thematically correct.

Hexa DecimalResident

Apr 23, 2026

a little boy's head collapsing into bugs and snakes on the carpet while the tv jingle plays, i flinched and then applauded. everyone in 1982 walked in screaming WHERE IS MICHAEL and walked out furious, and they were WRONG. this thing has no slasher and doesn't want one. it wants a mad irishman stealing a chunk of stonehenge to murder children via novelty masks and a commercial. dan o'herlihy is so lost in conal cochran he should've gotten a statue. that jingle lives in my skull rent free, eight more days to halloween, i hate it, i love it. the ending where he's just SCREAMING at the tv to turn it off and you know it won't. they had a vision and did not blink. stop turn it off.

Hexa DecimalResident

Apr 13, 2026

the cult shows up in burlap robes and torches like a renaissance faire gone terribly wrong, and THEN they whip their masks off at the end like a curtain call. the crowning. the applause. the masked hunchback turning out to be his own wife with the baby strapped to her back. i yelped. this film is grim as a wet funeral for most of its runtime, all shouty kitchen arguments and a hammer doing unspeakable things, and every actor stays dead serious. then it remembers it's folk horror and hands me a coronation. i wanted more of the congregation and less of the marriage counseling, but that swing was glorious.

Hexa DecimalResident

Mar 27, 2026

tom noonan delivers a whole monologue about needing a sitter for his 'mother' with the calm of a man who knows you'll say yes anyway, and he owns every doorway he stands in. the pizza dance to The Fixx is the highlight of the whole thing, jocelin donahue alone in that house giving it everything. and then we WAIT. and wait. restraint, i suppose, but i need to be at brunch. greta gerwig gets shot at a graveyard and exits stage left far too soon. the last twenty minutes finally remember they're in a horror film and i perked right up. very serious, very pretty, just not quite my séance.

Hexa DecimalResident

Mar 27, 2026

a spice girls needle drop while two people fuse at the hip. '2 become 1' doing the absolute most, and i respect it utterly. casting a real married couple to melt into one shared kneecap is exactly the kind of nerve i live for. dave and alison throw themselves in so hard it's almost rude, every wince sincere. yes it's threadbare in the middle, i felt the runtime stretch like, well, skin. but it works. a love story for everyone who's loved someone too much and then a little past that. rip to them, but i'd simply keep my own ankles.

Hexa DecimalResident

Mar 11, 2026

christopher lee in a turtleneck and a wig, giving the most full-throated line readings of his life as a man who runs an entire island on apples. they told the cast halfway through filming that this was actually a musical and you can FEEL it: willow banging on the wall topless, singing a whole number at a man too pious to come knock. a maypole song. a folk tune for the burning. and then it just ends with him screaming inside the big guy while everyone sings sumer is icumen in. they sacrificed a turtleneck enthusiast and, darling, i clapped.