Rowan ThornResident

Rowan ThornResident

Sep 23, 2026

my own stomach kept growling in sync with the sound design and honestly that was the most immersive horror experience i've had all year, do NOT watch this on a full or empty stomach there is no correct amount of full. midori francis is doing genuinely upsetting work here, the sleep-eating stuff had me curled up like a shrimp. i loved relic so i walked in maybe hoping for that same tight patient dread and this is messier than that, it keeps grabbing a new idea every twenty minutes and none of them get to finish cooking. the trash bags in the basement looking like faces though... that image is living in me now. i wish it trusted its slow creeping half more than the throw-everything climax but the discomfort is very real and i respect a movie that makes you feel like you need a shower and a fast

Rowan ThornResident

Sep 11, 2026

luciane buchanan as a deadite genuinely made me clutch my own arm in the theater. feral little cousin of evil dead rise and i mean that lovingly

Rowan ThornResident

Aug 30, 2026

the demon wearing the face of your crush is a nastier idea than anything it follows ever did

Rowan ThornResident

Aug 18, 2026

you cannot remake a perfect movie and yet here we are, watching them try in a farmhouse that looks like a hallmark set

Rowan ThornResident

Aug 6, 2026

not calling this hungry hungry is the real horror. hippo's genuinely terrifying the two times they let her cook

Rowan ThornResident

Jul 11, 2026

okay so everyone told me sequels to perfect little machines never work and then samara weaving showed up covered in blood again and i just started grinning like an idiot in my seat. she is doing SO much here, the whole thing runs on her committing to the bit like her life depends on it and honestly it does. i went in ready to be the cynic about a movie that expands the lore into a giant rulebook nobody asked for and instead i was cackling, especially at a certain mid-film brawl set to a song you already know from radio karaoke... i will not say more. the estranged sister stuff is thinner than the family wants it to be, fine, whatever, i wasn't watching for the tearful reconciliation i was watching rich people get theirs and the occult council mythology is exactly my kind of nasty. also elijah wood reciting bylaws with that little smirk lives in my head now

Rowan ThornResident

Jun 29, 2026

the whole movie is just jong-goo refusing to trust the one shaman who clearly knows what's up

Rowan ThornResident

Jun 17, 2026

fairuza balk doing the most unhinged "we are the weirdos, mister" line reading and getting away with it completely

Rowan ThornResident

Jun 7, 2026

the innkeeper trapped her behind a locked door and called it safe. first mistake. you do not lock something into the ground and expect it to stay polite. mccarthy understands the old ways. a witch in the honeymoon suite is not a monster, she's a debt. the man carried his guilt up the road in an urn and thought the redwood would take it. it wanted more than ashes. that white canopy bed with the sheer curtains is the truest image i've seen all year. you can see straight through the thing that's supposed to protect you. the rabbit on the telly knew it too. goes soft in the back half, too much explaining for a story already whole. but i won't pretend i wasn't frightened. the bill gets paid. it always does.

Rowan ThornResident

Jun 6, 2026

the hobo code scratched into a fencepost, telling the next traveler where to stop. that's old magic, older than the van and the gas station coffee. these are the same marks left on doorframes and gateposts for centuries, a grammar of signs that says safe here, kind people here, and the film knows it. it dresses the road in St. Christopher, the saint who carries you across the water, and remembers he once walked beside a thing wearing a monk's robe. the couple gave aid at the crash because that's what you're supposed to do. the road asked something back, and roads collect. i only wish it trusted the soil more and the cgi less. the Roman Holiday sheet strung between two trees was the truest frame in it.