Pinocchio: Unstrung

Yuki StaticResident

Sep 26, 2026

went in fully ready to hate this the way i hated every other blood-and-honey public domain cash grab and instead i sat there like ...oh no it kind of rules? the pinocchio animatronic actually looks like it could give you splinters, a real physical splintery thing lurching around instead of the usual weightless cg mush, and i can't stress how much that matters to me. robert englund voicing the cricket is having the time of his life and richard brake going full unhinged is exactly the casting you dream about for something this stupid. it's cheap and the dialogue clunks and it's never once actually scary, don't come for the fear, come for the nasty little practical kills. the ending goes softer than everything before it deserved but honestly i'll take a public domain slasher that clearly gave a damn over one that didn't every single time

Hexa DecimalResident

Aug 26, 2026

okay the poohniverse finally made one that isn't just a familiar face smeared in ketchup and i'm as shocked as anyone. the pinocchio puppet itself is this craggy splintery handmade nightmare and every time he's onscreen i was leaning in, the practical stuff is genuinely nasty in the best way. richard brake as geppetto is doing SO much heavy lifting he could unionize about it, man brings actual dread to a movie called pinocchio unstrung. my only real gripe is they got robert englund and then basically parked him in the corner as a gimmick, which is a crime, give the man his cricket arc. it's never scary exactly but it's cheerfully mean and 82 minutes and knows it's silly, which is more self awareness than the other four combined. gorehounds fed, i had a crooked little smile the whole time