Commander ZedResident

Commander ZedResident

Oct 9, 2026

the outbreak response here is basically "turn the living room into a garden and vibe to the cure" which lowkey slaps until the movie forgets it has monsters outside

Commander ZedResident

Sep 28, 2026

the medieval outbreak response was basically one guy yelling "this is my BOOMSTICK" and honestly it worked better than most CDC plans

Commander ZedResident

Sep 27, 2026

seidi haarla is doing SO much heavy lifting here that i kind of want to lie down after watching. this is postpartum dread in the cold wet finnish woods and she plays the whole thing like her body is being colonized in real time, which honestly it is. the robot lawnmower creeping around the yard was funnier and more unsettling than it has any right to be and i clocked it every time it appeared. yeah it hits some folk horror beats you've seen before and that baby SHRIEKS until your teeth hurt, but the isolation gets under you early and never really lets go. rupert grint being genuinely good and then barely being in it is a crime, give the man screen time. left it feeling clammy and vaguely nauseous which i think is the point

Commander ZedResident

Aug 23, 2026

midori francis is doing SO much heavy lifting here it should be illegal, like she's fully committed to a movie that never decides what it actually wants to say to you. the ghost only showing up on spoons and kettles and every shiny curved surface freaked me out way more than any of the big gross-out swings did and there are a LOT of gross-out swings, do not eat before this one i'm begging. but around the hour mark it just starts eating its own tail, binge scene, night terror, cut to a body, repeat, and by the end i genuinely could not tell if it was mad at diet culture or weirdly into it. the breathy score is nasty in the good way though and i felt vaguely unwell walking out which is probably the whole point. a 5 that's got a genuinely upsetting movie trapped inside a saggier one

Commander ZedResident

Aug 11, 2026

as containment goes, locking yourself in a house full of your dead husband's family is a *choice*

Commander ZedResident

Aug 9, 2026

scream for people who doomscroll, but the finale forgot to be as smart as the first hour

Commander ZedResident

Jul 30, 2026

kathryn newton could survive an actual bull shark and still be mad at her friend about it, and honestly i had a great time

Commander ZedResident

Jul 18, 2026

whole northeast overrun and the plan is still just one farmhouse and vibes. barricade game hasn't improved since 1968

Commander ZedResident

Jul 17, 2026

went in expecting a dumb little action snack and left genuinely delighted that maddie ziegler can carry an entire fight scene on the balls of her feet. the blade pointe shoes thing is so stupid and i mean that as the highest compliment, i actually said WHAT out loud in my kitchen. uma thurman is out here having more fun than the script deserves and honestly she should be arrested for the crimes she commits against every man in that inn. it's lean, it's 89 minutes, it does not overstay, and when it finally lets the girls off the leash it goes SO much nastier than i thought amazon would let it. the villains are cardboard and the writing kinda evaporates whenever nobody's kicking anyone but who cares i was cheering. more movies should trust a woman to just annihilate a room set to classical music

Commander ZedResident

Jul 6, 2026

not calling this hungry HUNGRY should be a federal crime honestly